Thursday, June 21, 2012

Nothing of note

Dear Diary,

My abs hurt. The trainer at my gym who teacher the 1/2 hour abs class is a sadistic little Natalie Portman look-a-like. I may be in love. Sorry Tech Boy.

Speaking of, he took me out to lunch today. I'm more self-conscious around him now. Maybe it's just how I'm feeling in general but I'm having a hard time looking at him. I'm extra body conscious right now. This heat isn't helping. I can't hide in winter clothes when it's 90 deg F out. ::sigh::

Driving into work this morning I was getting all teary eyed about Roommate. I sense a lot of crying coming up in the next week. I feel retarded. My brain was ruminating about her moving party too because Twiggy said she was going to be here. My mind is starting to race about the millions of ways that could go, the millions of things that might be said.

I'm trying to do everything all the time. Squeeze every last little bit of stuff in where I can and I just can't do it all AND do all the things I want to do. ::sigh:: It's great that everyone wants me to hang out. GF was even texting me last night wanting to take me out to dinner. I'm still not entirely sure she realizes I'm in a monogamous relationship. Roommate wants me to go out to dinner with her and a bunch of her friends after work tomorrow, but I want to go to the gym =/. Saturday morning I'm getting furniture with TechBoy then early dinner with Roommate and a beach BBQ with Tech Boy + the gym somewhere in there. Then Sunday... maybe I can breathe? Maybe?

Another gripe: why does everything have to always revolve around food and booze? Eating Disordered here! Hello. I want to be healthy and I want to take care of myself by not overeating, but everyone makes it so freaking difficult. If I don't eat, or worse, if people make stuff specifically for me because I'm vegetarian I feel obligated to eat it and then I have to pretend I'm happy about it and not freaking out about how much crap I'm putting into my body. This isn't fun for me.


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